Nice to Finally Meet You!

Friday morning, Chris and I woke up at 5:30 to get ready for our day.  We were in the bathroom getting ready and I asked him "Do you hear that?".  "Hear what?"...."The last time it will ever be completely silent in this house!".  We were both nervous and neither of us knew what to say.   We had an hour and a half drive ahead of us.  We were picking up *Jane* and heading to our meeting with the social worker.   It was going to be a long day.

We picked up Jane and her mom that morning at their home.  It was the first time I had ever met them.  I didn't know what to say to her in the car.  I was afraid to say anything at all, for fear of saying the wrong thing or upsetting her.  I couldn't imagine how she was feeling.  She was doing such an incredibly difficult thing.  An unselfish thing.  The right thing.

We got downtown and went into our meeting where we all sat around a table and discussed the situation.  The goal of the meeting was to make sure no one was making a quick decision that they would later regret.  We all needed to be on the same page.  Jane told us and the social worker that she knew she was unable to provide this baby with all the things she would need and she knew we were more than capable.  Her mind was made up and she knew she was doing the right thing.  But it's not always as easy as just signing some papers and Voila! you're parents.  The social worker said the best approach was to go to court that afternoon and ask the family court judge to grant Chris and me emergency custody and to meet again on Monday to sign a termination of parental rights.  Everyone agreed and the meeting came to a close.

As we were leaving our meeting, we told Jane that we were going to the hospital to meet Isabella and asked her if she would like to join us.  She was quiet for a minute and then told us that she didn't think she wanted to go.  I understood why she made that decision.  I have never been pregnant.  I've never carried a child for nine months or given birth.  But I can only imagine the bond you form and how hard it would be to see that child again and know that you just weren't able to take her home.  We took the two of them back to their home and I got out of the car and hugged Jane.  With a giant lump in my throat, all I could say was thank you.  That wasn't even close to everything I wanted to say, but it was the most important part.  I would never be able to explain what a gift she was giving us.

Our next stop was the hospital to meet Miss Isabella!  In the meeting that morning, Jane had given us the proofs of the photos that were taken of her in the hospital!  She was the cutest little thing I had ever seen...and I'm not just saying that!  She had a full head of brown hair and big blue eyes!  We couldn't wait to meet her!  The night before, we had made a quick trip out to pick up a few things to take her.  We knew we weren't bringing her home til Saturday and we wanted her to have some new outfits for her last two days in the hospital and a soft blanket that was not hospital issue.  So we grabbed her things and headed toward the nursery!

For three days, I'd been so worried about whether or not I had that maternal instinct.  I worried that since I didn't carry this baby and I had so little time to prepare for her, I might not know what to do or even know how to love her like I should.  To say I was nervous walking in to meet her is an understatement.  We got to the door and peeked inside and I saw the nurse holding a baby against her chest.  I knew right away that was my daughter.  We washed our hands and I walked over and took the sweet baby girl into my arms.  She was so small and so perfect.  We made our way to the back of the nursery, where there were two rocking chairs, and just looked at this precious baby girl who was changing our lives in such a big way.  I held her for a while and finally passed her to her daddy.  I never thought I could love my husband any more than I did until I saw him holding our baby girl in his arms with a proud smile on his face.  I will never forget that moment.  All the concerns that I had about loving her or knowing how to be a mother were instantly erased and I knew that I was meant to be this little girl's mother.  She was my daughter and I would do everything I could to love her, protect her, and give her everything she deserved. 

We spent about six hours taking pictures and videos, texting friends and family members, cuddling and kissing our new baby girl.  I fed her and changed her diaper.  We changed her clothes and wrapped her in her new blanket.  She was perfect!  We picked the nurse's brain all afternoon, asking her a million questions.  We both had friends with children and Chris had two younger step brothers but we were new parents and we wanted to be sure that we were doing everything right.  I'm sure the nurse was ready to see us go, but neither of us wanted to leave.  We talked about staying the night but then we thought about all the things we needed.  We didn't have one single thing in our home that a baby would require!  We kissed Isabella and hugged her goodbye, promising to see her the next day.  We returned to our car and started the long drive home.  I think I called everyone in my phone to tell them about my perfect baby girl!

   

From the hospital, we went straight to Buy Buy Baby for a serious shopping spree!  If you've never been there, it's a very overwhelming place!  Imagine Bed Bath and Beyond but with all things baby.  Stocked floor to ceiling, wall to wall, everything you could ever need, and lots of things you don't!  We walked every inch of that store.  We agreed to just get the essentials, but for a baby...there are a lot of essentials!  At one point during our shopping trip, an employee approached us and asked "Are you two okay?  You look like you need to sit down!".  We used her knowledge for a while and a few hours and lots of money later, we walked out, confident that we were ready to bring home our baby the following day!

You Mean This Saturday?

On what seemed like any other Tuesday in January, I was at lunch with my coworkers when Chris called me.  If you know the two of us, you know that we never talk on the phone.  We text constantly and when he is working, we email.  We save phone calls for when we have a quick question or an emergency.  So, when I saw his name on my phone, I thought something was wrong.  I picked up quickly and he asked if I could talk.  It was loud in the cafeteria but I didn't think this would be a terribly important conversation so I stayed where I was.  He sounded stressed, like he had something on his mind.  I asked if something was wrong and he said "Do you still want to have a baby?".  I almost fell out of my chair.  He explained to me that *Jane* had had the baby his mom had told us about and she had gotten in touch with him that morning to tell us that the baby was being discharged from the hospital on Saturday.  She told him if we were still interested, she wanted us to be the ones to take her home.  All I could manage was "You mean this Saturday?". 

I can't begin to explain all the emotions I felt at that moment.  I excused myself from the table and practically ran back to the lab.  I am fortunate enough to work with my close friend Leslie.  She knew about the possibility of this from a few months before and I ran straight to her.  I was shaking and sweating and as soon as I saw her, I started crying.  I could barely tell her what was going on.  We shut the door to her office and I shakily explained what Jane had said.  Isabella was born on January 16 and was still in the hospital due to a minor health concern.  She was set to be discharged this weekend.  Jane had spoken with a social worker and told her that she wanted us to be the ones to take Isabella home and proceed with adoption.  I did my best to pull myself together and get back to work, but as the information kept coming from Chris, who had spoken with the social worker and already contacted an adoption attorney, I could barely focus. 

I found my supervisor, who I have become very close to in the last 5 years, and asked her if she had time to talk.  Not only did I want her advice, but I needed to fill her in since maternity leave may be in my near future.  We spent about an hour in an exam room crying, talking, and hugging.  She told me that she supported me and she would make sure my maternity leave was taken care of.  I called Chris again and told him maternity leave would be no problem.  He filled me in on what he'd found out since the last time we had spoken.  The social worker had let him know that since this was a step-family member, he would need documentation to prove the relation.  He had to track down birth certificates, marriage certificates, and divorce decrees.  We were also informed that we would need a home study before we would be allowed to bring her home.  We would have to provide bank statements, paycheck stubs, child abuse and neglect checks, state background checks, etc., and we would need to meet with Jane and the social worker, all before we could bring home this baby girl.  What a huge amount of work we had ahead of us, all to be completed in just a few days.

That night, when Chris got home from work, we were both very quiet.  I think we were both so overwhelmed, we didn't know what to say.  When we started talking, we both expressed our concerns.  We were scared to death.  Just a few weeks before, we had talked about all the reasons we weren't ready for a baby and here we were, bringing a baby girl home in four days.  We discussed all the issues and what we were going to do about them.  By the end of the night, we had as firm a plan as you can put together in an evening when you've just found out you're having a baby so soon!  We both had a pretty fitful night's sleep and headed back to work the next day.  Chris set up a home study with a social worker here in Lexington who had volunteered to stop by after work on Thursday, just so we didn't have to change our schedules.  He also scheduled a meeting with Jane and a social worker for Friday morning.  We finished our workday after staying in near constant communication and headed home again.  I wanted to go shopping.  I felt an overwhelming need to get ready for this baby and buy all the things she needed, but level headed Chris thought it was more important to straighten up the house and get all the documents together for the following evening.  After all, if the home study didn't go well, we wouldn't be bringing home a baby anyway! 

On Thursday, I decided it was time to tell my coworkers.  I think they all knew something big was happening with me, but they weren't sure what.  One had even asked me if I was pregnant!  Close...but no!  My supervisor gathered everyone in the office and I told them that Chris and I were being given the opportunity to adopt a baby girl and if all went well, I would be on maternity leave beginning the next day.  Everyone was thrilled for us!  There were tears and hugs and a list began circulating immediately for people to sign up for gifts!  I seriously have the best coworkers.  That afternoon they all wished me luck with our home study and our meeting with Jane the next morning.

Our home study went perfectly.  The social worker was so sweet and understanding.  She talked with us about what this meant and asked us lots of questions.  She collected all the documents she had requested and took what seemed like a million pictures of our home.  At the end of the meeting, I asked her if she thought it would be silly for us to go shopping for the baby and she said we better...since we would be bringing Isabella home this weekend!  The social worker had set up a password with the nursery and we were able to call and speak to Isabella's nurse that evening about how she was doing.  It was good to hear that she was doing well and should be able to come home on Saturday.  It was also very scary!  A baby!  In TWO DAYS!!!

We'll Think About It

The afternoon of our wedding reception is a blur.  I don't know if I blame the champagne or the stress and excitement of watching a wedding we'd spent months planning flash by in what seemed like minutes!  One thing I do remember was when my brand new husband came to me toward the end of the evening and asked me if I wanted to adopt a baby!  I thought it was a strange time to talk about adoption, but I listened to his story.

During the mother/son dance, his mom (who has a tendency to exaggerate) told him that one of their family members was pregnant and wasn't able to care for the baby.  She said she had already told her that Chris and I wanted to adopt.  What?!?  While Chris and I had discussed our desire to adopt, we weren't planning on pursuing it for several years.  Chris wanted to finish his degree and save some money and we wanted to spend some time as newlyweds before we started talking about babies!  He told me that his mom was probably exaggerating but he told her we would think about it.  We didn't think it was something that we needed to discuss any further.  The rest of our wedding day flew by and early the next morning, we were off to Jamaica!

For the week of our honeymoon, we relaxed.  We swam, we ate too much, we drank, we danced, and had an amazing time.  But we also had several serious conversations.  Neither of us could stop thinking about what his mom had told him.  We wondered if what she had said was true.  We discussed what we would do if this scenario really did play out.  Would we take the baby?  Were we ready?  We were newlyweds.  We had only been married a few days and by the time the baby was born we would only have been married a couple months.  We finally decided that we needed to enjoy the rest of our honeymoon and talk about it when we got home.

 

After the honeymoon, we returned to real life.  We went back to work and resumed our daily routine as newlyweds.  Occasionally, the subject of this potential adoption would come up and we would talk for a while.  After a month, when we still hadn't heard anything from this family member, the conversations slowly came to an end.  We assumed that this was just another misunderstanding or exaggeration on his mom's part.

For the next month, I came down with a serious case of baby fever!  It seemed like everyone I saw, scanned, and talked to was pregnant!  I had never really been one of those girls who dreamed about marriage and babies, but my husband had changed my mind about the marriage part and I think the baby we had spent a month talking about had changed my mind about the baby part too.  I began to beg Chris to have a baby.  Every day I would bring it up in some way or another.  Whether it was a joke, a comment in passing, or a serious conversation, I was constantly talking about babies.  Finally, when Chris had had enough, he confronted me and told me that there was no way we were ready for a baby.  We needed more savings, we needed to do some things to our house, we needed a new car, he needed to finish school and find a new job, I needed to talk to my doctor and see how my Crohn's disease would be affected by pregnancy and he needed to talk to his to see if his pituitary issue could be hereditary.  So many practical things that he was thinking about and all I was thinking about was bows and nurseries.  I decided that he was probably right and eventually dropped the subject. 

I think I went a whole week without talking about babies before Tuesday, January 25.

Our 2010 Whirlwind!

I guess the best place to begin our story is at the beginning, which wasn't too long ago!  I met my husband, Chris in January of 2010!  He worked at Chase bank and I was a customer there.  I went in one Monday to take care of some issues and he just happened to be the one to help me.  I was immediately attracted to him and his sense of humor!  I flirted excessively for the hour that I spent in his office.  I texted my friend Brandi when he stepped out to tell her about the cute banker I'd met!  She encouraged me to ask him out since he wasn't wearing a wedding band, but I was just plain chicken.  When I left the bank, I already regretted not asking him if he'd like to get together, so the next day I found his business card and sent him an email...what's the worst that could happen, right?  Well, he responded right away and told me that he was in a relationship.  Ouch!  Shot down! 

Chris and I stayed in touch over the next several weeks and he explained to me that his relationship was ending.  At the end of February, when he was officially single, we had our first date. Well, we had such a good time on our first date, that two days later we went on a second date, and the day after that, a third!  If Chris were telling this story, he'd say I showed up to his house on our first date and never left.  That's pretty close to the truth...hey, when you know, you know!

Four and a half months after our first date, on July 6th, Chris asked me to be his wife and I had never been happier!  My Mom's only stipulation when he asked for her blessing was that we wait until January because she thought it was important that we know each other for at least a year.  But four months later, on November 20th, we stood in front of our family and friends and became husband and wife, and my mom had never been more proud!

That afternoon at our reception, our current story began...

Will This Feel So Weird Next Time?

I never thought I needed a blog...and I maybe I don't!  So, here I am, feeling super awkward, trying to figure out what I want to say and where I want to begin.  My husband and I don't have a terribly exciting life...we're really kind of boring.  But on January 25, 2011, something very special happened to us and we began a journey that we weren't expecting and didn't have much time to prepare for!  We found out that we were being given the opportunity to bring home a baby girl and proceed with adoption...in just four days!  It's been a very exciting and stressful six weeks to say the least!  I haven't been able to share many details with many people and I'm hoping this will be a good way to do just that!  I hope you will keep our family in your prayers throughout this process and that you will enjoy our story!